As stated on the right side of my blog with a brief description of myself, I stated how I am into psychology and sociology. I am fascinated by the human mind and try to understand mine everyday. This one might get pretty in depth and personal, but it’s something that I think about all day, everyday, like everyone else, just in different ways.
Each day we wake up and instantly we start thinking. We talk to ourselves in our heads and are faced with numerous decisions. What am I going to wear? what will I eat? I have to remember to do those errands. Should I do this or that, everyday questions. Our minds are always working. What am I going to wear? Seems simple, but it’s not (especially for women). With that one seemingly simple question, a plethora more follow. What’s appropriate for where I’m going, what I’ll be doing, and what the weather is like? For women there’s the added, well I just wore this, or I want to save this outfit for later, do I have shoes/accessories to go with this, will I be making a statement, sort of stuff. With every decision comes more thoughts. What do I want to eat?–What do I feel like? How many calories? What is something we can all agree on [if group decision on meal]? How much time will it take to make and eat? etc…
Now, place ourselves in social settings. First there’s the first impression, and our minds have to race to contemplate how to get through that on its own. Then, we worry how to fit in, or at least pretend to. What I mean is, humans have the tendency to adapt to certain social settings. Highschool is the perfect example. Kids definitely do not know their place in the world yet and struggle to find some outlet towards the answer. Everyone becomes drawn to typically one “group” of people. You have the geeks, nerds, preps, jocks, populars, and so on. Everyone finds themselves within one group of people, and many times, since people are quick to find one without much thought, they conform to others’ ways. Have you ever said, oh she/he is a great person on their own, but a different person when she/he is with his/her friends? That’s my point right there. The feeling of belonging easily changes a person without realization.
I can relate to it myself, and I always catch myself in the act, and stop myself from conforming to something I’m not before it’s too late. For example, I have a job that is correctly stereotyped as having the rich, stuck up, popular “OMG girls/guys” as workers and customers. The place is in no way shape or form my style or personality. I only took the job because there was an opening, and in this economy, I took what I could get. I otherwise never put myself in scenarios as such for this very reason of conforming. Anyway, I started to find myself pretending to relate to them in style, interests, personality, and even the way they speak. I did that without intention, and it didn’t take me long to put a stop to it and say to myself, fuck it, I don’t care that I’m extremely different from them. I’m my own person, I do my job amazingly well, and that’s the only thing that truly matters, even if not to all of them. I otherwise only do jobs where I can be my own person with others that will like me for who I truly am, and is what I enjoy, and have no problems.
I find myself feeling very much as a loner. I once had a conversation with an adult when I was in middle school and it has stuck with me ever since and comes across my mind a lot. She told me that I was just like her, that I was a “floater”. What she meant is that I wasn’t in a “group” and that I was on my own and talked to everyone from every “group”. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, but I enjoy that because I know that I am purely myself and no one is causing variations of who I am, but only I am. Many would argue that there are others such as myself, so in turn, I am not a “loner” but a part of a “group” of “loners”. The difference? We aren’t a group of friends that are always together and talk and such.
I wish to stop now and pause to put out the fact that I don’t expect any of this to make sense because it is what I think and observe in the world, and that is the entire point of this post. Continuing on…
I have seen two major cases in highschool of people trying their damndest to belong where they wanted to. To no surprise, it was with the “populars”. One girl was so extremely awkward and the fakest person I do believe I will have ever met in my life. Every time she would speak, I noticed that no one in her group would pay attention. Her voice was terribly obnoxious because of how fake it was. It was the standard, OMG guuuuys can you believe what she’s weariiiiiing!? I knew it was one of those things where, the first couple years of HS/middle school, she wanted to be popular and so she changed herself to feel as if she belonged with the pops. The other girl, on the otherhand, was anything but any of those fake pricks. She was a hardcore sports junkie and could kick anyones ass easily. She was a tomboy, and totally awesome. Because she played sports, the particular one she was mostly into was a team entirely made up of the pops. In turn, they changed her. She didn’t change herself until they pressured her into changing into them. She allowed them to tell her what’s what, and she conformed to it and became a clone. A great example would be the movie, Mean Girls. It was just…like…that!
I feel as if people interaction and the feeling of belonging and finding a place in this world is what the brain works the most and hardest at throughout life, which is why I addressed it first. A part two will be following this containing more of my insight on the human mind. Read on if you’re somewhat intrigued at this point.