One of the largest misfortunes in life is when you are trying to move forward in life and better it, but people are doing everything in their will power to keep you from achieving that dream. People are in general very selfish and jealous of others happiness and success. Why must people bring people down that are moving up, to their low level?
I myself am going through that now. We all talk about “creepers” and “stalkers”. I have a huge one–My father/family. He has done nothing to help me through life and only makes it harder and more stressful. He himself has said, “when I think of you, I think fuck you, go to hell”. That’s something I’ll never forget hearing from him forever. He abandoned me as a daughter. I am intelligent enough to know not to spend too much time caring about people that don’t care about me and make my life a living hell day-to-day. The best part is that he puts on a pathetic, weepy front to all of his family and everyone he comes into contact with that he cares about me. He does not. He stalks me to no other. He’s the definition of a hardcore creeper. I cannot live my life in peace. Facebook, he has found a way to creep on that somehow, even with max security & altered last name. Youtube? Yes, he’s found that, too. Now, this blog. Go figure, right? (He spends his entire pathetic, daughter-less life stalking me)
I would like to take a moment to share what was commented on one of my posts today:
“I know someone who acts in contradiction to her stated beliefs above, someone I know loves and gives conditionally and takes money from little old ladies (her grandmother) and does not even acknowledge the gift or the fact that her 80 year old grandmother exists. You cash her check everytime she sends it but she never hears a word. So much for making people feel good about what they do, talk about superficial…where is the positive feedback for her grandmother who gives what she cannot afford as she barely struggles on her fixed income week to week. The writer is in a compartmentalized world, the one she wants the world to see and the actual world she lives in. I see hipocrisy written all over this blog. Actions always speak much louder than words.”
Where can I start to rip into this? First off, my entire family has disowned me. They hear only the lies told from my father. Not once have they called me to speak with me on how I think or feel, or what really goes on. (ha! talk about showing what someone wants the world to see but not what’s realistic) If they cared about me, why would I have to be the one to contact them? Next, I got endless grief and harassment to an absurd level when I would not cash checks. Finally, actions speak louder than words? How about the times I was beaten, thrown, and caused to bleed and cry in mental and physical pain? Not loud enough? How about ripping me from my house and future and left to start from scratch, throwing away all of my plans set in life? Guess those are just whispers.
It’s MY turn to finally say it how it is for once. Let’s add some sick and twisted humor to all of this, shall we?
Sadly, everyday I have to live in fear that this man will pop into my life. I cannot go anywhere without being stressed that he will be there. I cannot go to work, leave my house, or go anywhere not living in fear. I even have nightmares of him stalking me and appearing places. (80% of the time those nightmares end with me beating the shit out of him one way or another) One day, my nightmare came true. I was stalked at WORK. What kind of sick person barges in on someone while they’re working, trying to make enough money to eat a meal once a day? That’s as low as someone can go in this position. Well, my nightmare became a sparkling fantasy when he was embarrassingly escorted out of the building by security. That’s what you get for showing aggression towards me my whole life and even my manager, asshole. Plus, that’s what you get for stalking me so much that you found out where I work just to come stalk me in-person.
He is such a high-level stalker, that he has others do it for him as well. Plus, because he spills out a fake, pathetic front and story to everyone, they attack me on his behalf. That’s even lower than his all-time low. How can anyone possibly sanely make it through life having to constantly check over their shoulder and being demoralized nonstop? A bigger question–Why would a father ever do such antics to his own daughter? It’s always easy to tell people made up truths, but not let them know the horrid things that are actually being done.
I guess karma is always a good thing. It is much easier to lose a father than for a father to lose his little girl forever. I can handle walking down the aisle without one. I see myself growing up and excelling in life greatly. Other people get to be a part of my life, and I am of no relation. To me, family doesn’t matter. Blood-related or not, all that matters is surrounding ones self with people that truly care about you, love you for who you are and what you do, and would never deceive you, abandon you, and turn others against you. I have been told numerous times that people wish I was their daughter, or at least daughter-in-law. They wish that. Meanwhile, there’s a man that disgustingly holds the title of a father to me, but took advantage of it and threw it away. Sickening, right? Again, the title “father” is more than the man that was the sperm donor, a father is a man who loves and supports their child in life no matters what. It’s not someone that disowns them, speaks poorly of them, and makes their life a living hell. True family to me wouldn’t comment or have someone comment what they have. They would be supportive and complimentary of my blog, instead of using it as an outlet to try and bring me down (FAIL).
This was a great way for me to reveal what hides behind so many lies and fake fronts. I find it to be a great embarrassment to everyone involved. Let’s share even more humor!!! This time this is from Youtube! His girlfriend made a Youtube JUST to message me! HA!…HAHA!…HA!!!!…
Your fathers’ thoughts about you are as countless as the sand on the seashore. I have known your father for 2 years now, I have been his friend and colleague and feel compelled to reach out to you. [NAME] is living his life and trying to find peace, he avoids drinking from the fountain of resentment as he know this is a glass of poison. He discusses the possibility that he will never see his precious girls again, he wishes every night that he will catch a glimpse of his long lost children in his dreams. He goes into almost excrutiating detail about you and I must bite my tongue to prevent myself from shattering his fragile memories. I want to be brutally honest and tell him to move on and accept the things he cannot change. When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive. Why I ask will you not forgive him? Love him and release him, not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new experiences.
Will you be his child?
He is waiting for you…
If you have no interest please ignore this and foregoe any type of revenge that would be directed at him, he has no knowledge of this journey I have taken this evening with you. I could not forgive myself if I caused him further injury. I am simply a friend who cares about him and his journey.
…That was the first message. I just about pissed myself, and so has everyone I’ve shared it with. It is the biggest load of shit I’ve read in my life. This makes the government look like good, truthful human beings! My response to it?
Her reply…A bunch of mumble jumble just like the above not worth taking up space. Part of it is that she doesn’t understand what I meant by TITS and that she doesn’t know texting lingo.
I replied again
Her response: (worth posting this time lol)
“I see that you intended your acronym to be an insult to me and my message, thanks for clearing that up as I understand now. Your father is having a wonderful time on Prince Edward Island; this is his second summer here. We are exploring a little with plans to go to Newfoundland and Nova Scotia. He tried to contact you to see if perhaps you had any interest in the trip but he was not able as you do not pick up his calls. I have had a summer home here for years so we will be coming again next year; you are welcome to come if you wish. It is a place full of kindred spirits, green pastures, we walk on the beach and search for sea glass, life is not complicated or painful. We visited with [BROTHER] who lives in Wildwood NJ for the summer and had so much fun with him; he is a son to be proud of. I know he is a wounded soul as you; with no mother’s arms to comfort him when he needs it. Your father continues to have a profound concern for your well being. He is not trying to maintain safe territory; he is not cowering in the corner, unwilling to engage that which keeps you frightened and absent. He wants to discuss with you the possibility of a healing relationship, a conjoining on the path toward the heart where the wounds of the past and the confusion of the present are received with compassion and kindness. Sometimes in the darkness we need hold the light for another. I will hold the light illuminating his cherished daughters for him until you return to his life.”
[Remind yourself by rereading above if you don’t remember what type of
father man he truly is]
My responses seem childish and immature, but I had to play the game at their level and it deserved nothing more than a mockery.
I must also add just how splendid it is for them to have time to take numerous, wonderful vacations. Some of us are too busy working to eat and live day-to-day. If I was cared about, that money used for those trips could be used to, hmm, I don’t know help me? Oh that’s right! I was told long ago that I will receive no help because I have to suck up to get that. Being a daughter isn’t simply good enough without having to work for a little care and help in life.
People may argue, ‘well he’s your father!…Give him a chance…blah blah blah’ Let me tell you all, he has had over 20 years of chances and ran out long ago. (I had to put that out there.) My most memorable memories are of his beat red “gorilla” face filled with rage and anger coming at me with a belt or fist, and all the current nightmares and real-life horror of stalking. Memories of such don’t deserve a chance to change, anyway. It only opens a door for more hurt. That especially applies to someone who doesn’t understand what ‘fuck off’ means. If someone says to fuck off, would you smother and harass them further?…Exactly!
Sometimes it’s good to reveal what a person’s true characteristics and actions are. Revenge and karma are sweet, and I can live knowing it’ll come one day.